Don’t ask me, you’re the one reading this blog.
For the record, I’m not exactly telling you to drop out of college, I’m simply suggesting that you should think about it.
Especially since most of you have already returned to your designated college, or have just started your freshmen year at UC (Fill in the blank) or UMass (Drop College Name Here).
There’s a difference.
But just to make it more fun, I’ll tell you the three pros and cons of dropping out of college and you can go on ahead and make up your mind afterwards.
Pro: You Will Have More Free Time!
Do you ever feel like this?
College is just too damn hard. Even the very thought of midterms and essays makes your blood boil. Wouldn’t it be better if you just didn’t have to do anymore work?
Like . . . NOTHING!
Your day will be full of adventure!
You’ll finally be free!
Free as a bird!
Grades won’t define you. You’ll be your own person for once in your life and not be enslaved by those textbooks that you rented for $600, right?
You DID rent them, didn’t you?
Seriously, those professors made you BUY those damn text books?
What do they think your made out of? $100 bills?
Con: You’ll Burn Yourself Out
Sure it will be fun for the first month or so without being tied down to college, but eventually, let’s face it: You’ll end up becoming extremely bored.
Like, hair-pulling bored.
You’ll just be known as another college drop out.
For all you know, you never got your degree in anthropology because you lost your interest in attending Anthro 101.
It was just SO . . . FAR . . . AWAY . . . and your bed was more cozy than stepping out into the chilly morning air.
And then after you’ve had your time in the sun – after you dropped out of college and survived your angry parent’s rant about how you disappointed them – you most likely will get stuck in a dead-end job with no advancement opportunities in sight.
Obviously, you look for someone to comfort you, and EVERYONE knows that the only person who will ever understand you, is Netflix.
But even Netflix isn’t enough to cure your boredom and failures.
Because, as much as binge watching Orange is the New Black sounds appealing, you’re going to have to come to the painful truth that even though Netflix has almost everything, it doesn’t have that ONE PARTICULAR SHOW OR MOVIE that you were looking for to begin with.
That’s when you regret not buying a subscription for HBO Go.
Pro: No More School Stress!
Remember that teacher you hated in high school who told you to read a book about that kid in the Rye that Caught things?
It was written by some dude named J.D. Salinger?
No, you don’t remember?
Okay, well just to sum it up, the main character leaves his boarding school and stays in New York for three days. The book was to show how young people everywhere, felt themselves pressured to grow up and live their lives according to the rules.
To put it simply: The main character thought that this rule was stupid, and decided to do whatever the hell he wanted.
For all you know he might have danced his way out from his school like this:
Because in relation to this main character, it wasn’t just the school stress that got to you, but also the social stress and the stress from others who held high expectations of you.
You felt alienated within a heartless college.
You were beset on all sides by what you should or shouldn’t do.
And most importantly, someone would always be chewing gum in the seat next to you during a “very important lecture.”
You needed to get out of here – NO – you HAD get out of here.
Of course if that kid in that book got out okay, so can you.
I think his name was like Hold’em Cauliflower.
I don’t know, it was YOUR job to read that book in the tenth grade!
Con: Where Exactly Will You Go?
Yeah, Hold’em Cauliflower left his school and lived in New York, but it was only for a total of THREE DAYS!
So, once you leave the perimeter of your college, how sure are you that you won’t be thinking this:
But truth be told, where exactly would you have gone?
Your creepy old Aunt Sally’s house down the road?
Some friend of a friend who knows a guy who knows someone’s cousin who is renting out his sketchy basement?
Would you really be up for that?
Then again, if you really do feel like pulling a Hold’em Cauliflower and staying in New York for three days, just remember not to invite a prostitute up to your room.
It case you’ve forgotten, it didn’t go so well for him.
The poor bastard didn’t even get laid!
Pro: No More Gross Dorm Life!
You won’t have to wait for that asshole Niki for the shower anymore!
You remember Niki, that person who ALWAYS takes the last shower stall in the communal bathroom, forcing you to wait your turn until the next available stall is open.
Well if you dropped out of college, you won’t have to endure waiting any longer.
You’ll be reunited with your precious shower – after your parents are done yelling at you that you dropped out of college of course.
You’ll scamper upstairs and turn the shower on full blast and steaming hot.
Nothing tastes better than mom’s mac ‘n cheese and dad’s rack of lamb when you swear off from eating college food for good.
Although, your parents might try to poison you out of uncontrollable rage, since you dropped out.
After all, they’ve spent so much money on trying to enroll you in school.
The least that they could possibly do to you, is kill you and then use the insurance money to pay off any loans or debts that you had towards the college.
Because, remember, you dropped out.
Con: You’ll Be Leaving Behind Your Friends.
Sure, you hate the work . . . like A LOT!
But you endure it anyway, even if it sucks.
And guess what?
Your friends are in the same boat as you.
They also hate their classes and complain about their professors.
In fact, that’s what all you guys have in common, which makes you great friends.
You share all of your stories with each other about how you didn’t understand a word in Professor X’s class, and how you missed the deadline for Professor Y’s class.
Yeah you cry about it, but then you later laugh about it.
And even though your grade is tanking and your professors hate you, there’s one thing that is certain when you have your college friends at your side:
Because you go through all the turmoil of college just to be with them.
You do it for them!
You sit down and you study for that midterm even if you want to kill it.
Because let’s be honest here:
Once the week is over and Friday evening has rolled in, you finish your homework, grab your friends and take over the entire weekend.
You will have good days, bad days, really bad days, and then really REALLY bad days, but just remember, you will look back on these memories as the best days of your life.
You’ll laugh about the time you forgot to study for that final for chemistry. Or how one of your professors made a face that reminded you of an ewok when she noticed that you had arrived late for class. Or even how you got wasted before a pop quiz and just drew pictures of bunny rabbits all over your paper.
So enjoy the ups and downs of college, because it will make you into a better and stronger person.
The choice is yours.
(And again, don’t invite any prostitutes up to your room.)