Farewell, Colbert! A Look Back at the Top 10 Awesome Things Stephen Colbert Has Ever Done

So for those who really know me – like really REALLY know me – you know that back in the day, Stephen Colbert was my childhood crush throughout middle school. 

And for those who really know me, but were unaware of this little factoid about me until reading this: SURPRISE!!!

I was in love with Stephen Colbert when I was fifteen-years old!

Don't judge me! It was WAY before I knew of the existence of Bruno Mars! 

But there was a reason behind my little crush on Colbert. Yes, I did think for a guy who was in his early 40's to be (not gonna lie) kinda good looking, but I also thought he was very charming on the show. And not to mention incredibly hilarious. There was just something about him that always brought me joy whenever I would come home after a long day at school. The highlight was to finish my dinner, do my homework and then sit in front of the TV and watch The Report. It was a nice little escape from reality. 

But what really made me come downstairs to glue my eyes to the television set was the anticipation of: WHAT IS COLBERT GOING TO DO NEXT??? And let me tell you, Stephen never failed to make each show more exciting after the next. 

And now, learning the news that this show that I watched religiously on a daily basis, was going to be canceled, I couldn't help but feel a piece of my childhood joy going away.

To many, that might seem a bit ridiculous, but it truly saddened me to learn that The Colbert Report would be no more. 

As my dad tried to put it to me, Stephen would still be around when he starts hosting David Letterman's The Late Show in 2015; it would just be his character who would be going away.

But that's exactly why this saddens me so much, goddamnit! 

It was always his character that I would look forward to seeing on The Colbert Report!

His arrogant, fictionalized, well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-status persona who was always a self-important right-wing commentator, parodying cable news pundits!

That's who I'm going to be missing!!!

*To my foreign readers who are reading this and have no idea why I would feel such sympathy for someone as weird as this, trust me when I say, it's an American thing.*

So as Colbert's show comes to a close, I would like to remember the Top 10 Awesome Things Colbert Has Ever Done.

#10: That Time Stephen Colbert Fought Both Jon Stewart and Conan O'Brien

If you remember television's darkest year when the Writer's Strike was in full gear in 2007-2008, Colbert, Jon Stewart and Conan O'Brien all had to return to the air without any of their writers. The strike had forced the trio to fill airtime without any their usual segments. So what better way to keep their viewer's attention than by staging a hilarious mock feud over which one of them was responsible for the popularity of then-presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee? The end result was a three-way showdown between the hosts as they each appeared on the other's show in a single night. Not to mention that the random dance sequence near the end of the episode is pretty much the most entertaining thing out there. Watch the video here. 

#9: That Time President Obama Ordered Stephen Colbert To Shave His Head

This must have been The Colbert Report's most elaborate stunt. The show had traveled to Iraq and taped a full week of episodes in one of Saddam Hussein's former palaces. But upon his arrival to Iraq, President Obama appeared to give General Ray Odierno an order to shave Stephen Colbert's head. His words exactly, "As commander in chief, I hereby order you to shave that man's head." And shaved it, he did! Watch the video here. 

#8: That Time Stephen Colbert Aired His Christmas Special

Inspired by the Christmas specials of his youth, Colbert's Christmas special, A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All! was a brilliantly orchestrated musical ode to his childhood holiday shows. The premise for this Christmas special: Stephen finds himself trapped in his cabin by a prowling bear. But he's not alone! Colbert welcomes Toby Keith, Willie Nelson, John Legend, Feist and Jon Stewart, all of whom stop by to sing with him. When this Christmas special aired, the special's original song, "Another Christmas Song" hit #1 on iTunes, and the album itself also reigned as #1, later leading Colbert to win a Grammy for his Christmas songs for Best Comedy Album. Watch Elvis Costello and Colbert sing their Christmas duet, together for Colbert's Christmas special here. 

#7: That Time Stephen Colbert Was "Singing In Korean"

It's no secret that Stephen Colbert as plenty of enemies – Barry Manilow to name a few. But ever since Colbert was beaten by Korean pop star, Rain in Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People, Colbert quarreled over his arch-rival in the most amusing ways possible. From dance battles to playfully insulting the singer on his show, what really took the cake was Colbert's K-Pop inspired music video, "He's Singing In Korean," which aired on his show. Watch the video here. 

#6: That Time Stephen Colbert Opened a Super PAC

And raised millions of dollars to say the least! With the Super PAC motto being: "Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow," it's no doubt that Colbert used his comedic powers to parody Tim Pawlenty's political action committee (PAC) advertisement. In response, an executive from Comedy Central asked Colbert if he was serious about starting his own PAC, because it could create trouble for the network. But because it was Stephen Colbert, he saw value in creating a PAC to showcase the impact of the Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission decision, in which the Supreme Court held that corporations have free-speech rights to spend unlimited amounts of money in political advertising to elect or defeat candidates for office. Though he couldn't use the Super PAC for his candidacy for the President of the United States, he at least tried to use to Super PAC to run as the President of the United States of South Carolina. Watch the video here. Which then leads us to . . .


#5: That Time Stephen Colbert Ran For President . . . Twice

The first time was back in 2008 when Hail to the Cheese: Stephen Colbert's Nacho Cheese Doritos 2008 Presidential Campaign when live on air.  Only two days into his first (totally legitimate) presidential campaign, Colbert found himself facing financial difficulties. See, in order for him to run for the President of the United States (officially) Colbert needed to have $35 million in the bank to run. "And currently, I have . . . zero-point-no-million dollars," he explained on the air. But that all changed when the triangular snack chip, Doritos offered to sponsor him in his race for the presidency. And while it started off as a very funny joke, it had the possibility to be successful when Colbert started gaining support in the polls. However, the South Carolina Democratic Party executive council voted against Colbert's application to appear on the states primary ballot. 

The second time was in 2012, when he tried to use his million-dollar-raising Super PAC to run for the presidency. But once again, Colbert never made it to the ballot. Though he did throw his support to Herman Cain, earning Cain a 1.1 percent of the primary vote – enough to help Cain surpass Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann. Watch Stephen Colbert on Meet The Press discuss his plans to run for president.  


#4: That Time Stephen Colbert Testified Before Congress On Immigration

Colbert appeared – in character – before a House subcommittee to deliver a satirical but searing testimony about his "experience as an entertainer-turned-migrant worker" for one of his show's segments. He also tried to submit his colonoscopy video into the Congressional record and also declared his desires not to eat a tomato that had been picked by a Mexican, but instead, said, "want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan, and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian." This is Colbert in his prime! Watch the video here. 


#3: That Time Stephen Colbert Danced To Daft Punk's "Get Lucky"

This might possibly be the best thing since . . . ever. The story goes that on August 6th, Colbert announced that he planned to have musical guest Daft Punk appear on the show. That was, until Daft Punk made a last-minute cancellation on the show. So in an act of mild desperation (or pure brilliance), Colbert showed off his star-studded, gut-splitting dance montage featuring everyone from Hugh Laurie to the Rockettes. The video was an instant hit and remains one of the most memorable moments ever on The Colbert Report. To say the least, Colbert did get very, very lucky! Watch the video here. 


#2: That Time Stephen Colbert Made "Truthiness" A Real Word

The world was first introduced to the word "truthiness" back in 2005 when The Colbert Report aired its first episode. It was when Colbert debuted his instantly iconic, O'Reilly-copping segment ''The Word,'' where he coined his signature term: ''truthiness." The riotously funny ''truthiness'' bit also served as a thesis statement for Colbert's satirical style. ''Anyone can read the news to you,'' he said as he decried facts and books. ''I promise to feel the news at you.'' Despite Colbert's assumption that ''the wordinistas over at Webster's are gonna say 'that's not a word,''' the dictionary ended up naming ''truthiness'' its Word of the Year in 2006. Watch the video here. 


#1: That Time Stephen Colbert Made Bears The Number One Threat To America 

Every Colbert fan knows of Stephen's deep hatred for bears. Despite his appearance of always being in charge, Colbert is vulnerable: he feels deeply threatened by those wielding more power than he, and he suffers from "acrophobia," the fear of bears, which he refers to as "giant, marauding, godless killing machines." And if there is one thing that every loyal Colbert viewer knows, is that when he starts his "Threat Down" segment, you know that he will always include bears as the number one threat to America. Watch the video here. 

So I know that is not all of the amazing awesome things that Colbert has done on his show, but these were the top 10 that I could think of that really stuck with me since I began to watch the show. 

Without a doubt, it's hard to say goodbye to The Colbert Repot – mostly because it'll mean saying goodbye to the ruthlessly ignorant, hilariously pompous, utterly indelible faux conservative pundit that the real Stephen Colbert has been playing on late-night TV for over a decade (counting his years also on The Daily Show). 

Truly, after nine seasons and 1,447 episodes, Colbert finally attained television immortality on the wings of a song Thursday night

He is truly a character of the ages.

And so, in the worlds of Stephen Colbert: Good night, nation.